Questions are an intrinsic part of human interaction and aren't going anywhere. To be more effective in our communication with other sentient meat sacks, it is important to understand that there are worse things than wrong answers, there are also wrong questions. I'm not just talking about asking the wrong question or asking the wrong person, I truly mean that the question being asked is, at its core; wrong, skewed, incomprehensible, has faulty assumptions or is worded in a way to garner an expected response rather than an informed decision or authority. In this article I may get bored with writing the words Wrong Question so I might shorten it to WQ. I hope that's OK.
Most questions such as "would you like fries with that?" are simple, easy and expected, but others can require more back story and possibly a degree in psychiatry to answer. A perfect example of the latter is "What did I do last night and why is there a tiger in the bathroom?". At first glance this question sounds like the punch line to a joke, until you realise there really is a tiger in the bathroom. Before we delve into the giant feline in the room, let's break down what a question is.
What is a question?
There are a number of accepted definitions, but the one I am working with today is: A sentence in an interrogative form addressed to someone in order to get information in reply. This completely disregards rhetorical questions and sarcasm, but basically holds up for instances where you're not trying to be a bastard. Surprisingly a good question should be completely devoid of the word "why".
"Why" is a dirty word and a crooked letter
For me the word "Why" conjures up an image of a two year old attempting to understand, but basically just being an annoying little git. When used at the start of a sentence "Why" is quite confrontational and, more often than not, will result in the answer starting with "because". Rather than explanation you will get justification, Take a minute to think, which would you prefer;
A) Why did you do it like that?
OR
B) Which process were you following for this?
Think about the human component when deciding on tone, body language and each individual's intrinsic need to feel valued. No one wants to answer a two year old who has had too much sugar and red food colouring. Where possible replace "Why" with How, What, Which and Where. This should help you get information rather than apprehension.
Before asking a question you must consider three things:
- What information am I hoping to get out of this? There is no point in asking a question if you have no objective or don't plan on using the information received in some way.
- Can I get this information from another/ better source? Asking a MacDonald's employee about astrophysics might get you looked at funny or an extra pickle on your cheeseburger, but it's unlikely that your happy meal will help you understand what a neutron star tastes like. I believe it's something like a yellow chilli pepper covered in aluminium foil, I may be wrong.
- Emotion changes everything. Care factor will definitely alter the state you are in when asking and will in turn change the position the person answering will take. "Did you take my pen" has a different meaning if it's a 30c Biro as opposed to a solid gold 1906 Montblanc fountain pen that your grandfather smuggled out of Germany during WWII. Make sure the passion fits the situation and the recipient understands why the question is important. Perhaps start with "have you seen my pen? It's kind of a big deal to me". Accusations can follow if the person starts looking sheepish.
Hunting for the right in a Wrong Question
While the responsibility for being understood falls to the person asking a question, you still need to play your part in divining reason behind their jumble of mismatched sounds and eyebrow movements. So, if after a little effort you have no freaking idea what the hell someone is asking, they are probably asking a Wrong Question. Don't feel bad, but also don't act on your frustration yet. It is almost never wrong for someone to ask a question even if it is essentially Wrong. Start by responding with something other than a single syllable "eh?" or "what?" and try to get an understanding of the fundamental "Why" behind their question. One way of doing this is by covering the following:
- Topic. What is it all about? If they have a question about hamburgers but what they've actually asked is about pizza then it's possible they really want a cheeseburger pizza. It's a real thing. Horrible for your health but still tasty.
- Importance and urgency. Will your answer avert an imminent alien invasion or just stop them from seeing a bad movie about an alien invasion? If it stops them from renting Battlefield Earth those two are probably about the same priority. If the answer is important but not urgent then it's most likely better for everyone if you take some time to answer. Perhaps answering after opening a bottle of wine and watching a movie, preferably not starring John Travolta in heavy makeup.
- Relevance. How will they be using the information they want? Sometimes the information someone is looking for is better left out of their reach. Certain scenarios could end in disaster somewhat akin to teaching a 3 year old to drive, or giving your bank account details to a friendly Nigerian prince waiting for his inheritance. More relevant examples might involve answering questions they haven't asked or a need to provide more information than they asked for. Giving someone your phone number without telling them you accidentally flushed it down the toilet three weeks ago could end less than happily.
What now?
Now that you have read an overview of how I think humanity should go about gathering knowledge and understanding from other meat sacks, I hope you will think a little more and try a little harder when some muppet is standing in front of you, waving their hands around and asking why.
So, why don't you like this article?
